Monday, February 13, 2012

in {her} shoes...sierra

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Sierra from H is for Homeschooling is her to share life in her momma shoes for today's in {her} shoes guest post.  i have to start out by saying that i love Sierra.  she's sweeter than a cupcake and does the most innovative learning trays in her Tot School with her son!  after you read her post here, head on over to her blog and visit for a while.

Andie is one of the sweetest people I have “met” blogging and I was so honored when she asked me to share some of my story for the "in {her} shoes" series. Speaking of shoes...

Those are my shoes. Those are literally the only shoes I have worn since I got pregnant with my Boogie in January 2009. Except for when I wore heels because I was in my best friend's wedding this past fall. But I brought the Crocs to change into at the reception. If it is colder than 50, I wear the boots. And that is pretty much how I decide which pair I am wearing! Sadly, I don't even know where my sneakers are. Exercising is not a part of my routine at the moment. And fashion isn't really high on my list of priorities either. Pretty much, my routine and priorities center around loving my favorite three fellas in the universe.

That is my wonderful, amazing, awesome, [insert your favorite adjective here and then multiply it times 100!] husband and me, Christmas 2011. We have been married for five and a half years. We got married exactly 21 months to the day after he told me how he felt about me. He is the smartest person I know. He is handsome and honest and creative and real and I wonder every day how God could love me enough to bless me with someone like him.

That is our firstborn (taken in January), known on my blog, and affectionately in our home, as Boogie. I have no idea how that nickname started. I only know it was around the time he was four months old and it stuck. He is 28 months old now. Boogie is a perfect blend of Hubby and I in looks and personality. He is smart and funny and loving and sweet. He is a people-pleaser, which he gets from both of us. He loves learning and structure. He HATES sleeping, unfortunately. Some of his favorite things right now are cars, trains, buses, and monkeys. He is also an extremely fabulous older brother.
That is our youngest (and he is enjoying that while he can, since we plan on having a big family!), known in blogland and in our family as Bam Bam. He is almost 8 months old. He is the spitting image of my husband. I have only known two people in the past eight months say he looks anything like me. I don't see it at all! He has bigger, lighter eyes (they are a grayish/hazel kind of color) than my husband, but other that that- TWINS! Bam Bam is different than Boogie in so many ways, but one thing they share is extreme silliness. They both laugh and smile easily, which is such a blessing! Bam Bam adores Boogie and since he was a newborn would track Boogie around the room, soaking in everything he was doing.

I always knew I wanted to be a mom, and being around kids my whole life, I knew the basics of childcare. But you just can't ever know until you have kids how exhausting it is. It really is a 24/7 job and many people still look down at SAHMs, which is hard for me what with being a people-pleaser and all. I get very defensive when people ask what I do but then have a very lukewarm response when I tell them. It is NOT easy. But it is incredibly rewarding.

Being the oldest child in my family, I can be very bossy and demanding at times. Not only of my husband or children, but also myself. I think that is the biggest challenge I face regularly- having realistic expectations for the four of us so I am not setting any of us up for failure. It is a constant struggle. I feel guilty when the house isn't clean (which it often isn't). I feel like a failure if a craft or activity doesn't go exactly as planned (which it often doesn't). I wonder what I am doing wrong if Bam Bam doesn't sleep through the night. I put so much pressure on myself and those around me that I can forget to live in and enjoy the moment, with all the imperfections that make life interesting. Oftentimes, failure is only failure if you see it as failure. If you see it as an interesting outcome that you weren’t expecting, than it is not a failure, it is just unexpected. It is all a matter of perspective. My husband and mom are constantly reminding me that I need to take a step back and look at the big picture. I am so thankful for them!

When I remember to just live in the moment and let things happen as they will, the four of us have a lot of fun. Hearing Boogie learn new words, watching him try new things (like potty training at 26 months already!), seeing the gears turn in his head, all of these things make being a SAHM and a homeschooler worth it. Having Boogie sit with me and ask "Nugga (snuggle), Mama?" and not have anywhere I have to be or anything I have to do but sit down and snuggle my little boy is a gift from God and from my hard-working husband, beyond measure.

And that is one of the main reasons I homeschool. I don't want their learning to be dictated or censored by the state. I want to be the one who has "the talk" with them, and not leave it to their science or gym teachers who then tell them that anything goes and to be safe. The public school system is a scary place. Having been a teacher, I know this from both sides. I am fortunate enough to be in a position where I can be at home with them. I am fortunate to have a supportive husband who agrees that the best person to spend time with our children from 9-3 is me. I want to say grace with my children at all three meals. I want to teach our children about God throughout our days because both my husband and I agree that there is nothing more important that we can give them than faith.

Boogie is just learning to really express himself with words, but I like to think that if he could describe me as his mother today, he would use toddler-simple words like fun, safe, and push. Fun because we laugh together all the time. I will do anything to make Boogie and Bam Bam giggle, even if it means looking a little crazy. Safe because when my boys are sad or hurt, I am there to give a kiss, clean a boo-boo, wipe tears or say a prayer. And push because I do try and gently push my boys to learn things, try new things, do new things, and behave better at every opportunity. As I said, I want to have realistic expectations, but I also want them to always do their best and not be afraid to take risks, even if it means failing. Because I am safe to come to, in success and failure. Because the fun is in the trying. And because we can smile and laugh about it no matter how it turns out in the end.


Trina said...

Hi Sierra and Andie,
I am hopping over from H is for Homeschooling. Great post, Sierra. I had a moment just this morning that I felt God reminding me to live in the moment, relax and stop pushing myself so hard. Thank you for sharing this post. Again you brought me to tears. :)

Andie, Great blog! Looks like a fun place to be. I'll be back!

Paula said...

I admire stay at home response is never be lukewarm when a woman tells me she stays home with her family!

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