i'm going to be honest with you all today. probably more honest, open, and vulnerable than i have in any other post so far. i want to share with you something that has been weighing on my heart.
i love my son. his whole life, i have tried to do what's best for him...natural birthing, breast-feeding, night-nursing/parenting, attachment parenting, homeschooling... and now i've reached an impasse.
after 3.5 years, i've finally found something that i cannot do for my son.... i can't teach him to be comfortable around other kiddos.
i can't help him make friends.
i can't even make friends myself, so what do i do?
being a stay-at-home mom can be a mixture of bliss and isolation. i turned to blogging as a way to document my days with my son and to network with other SAHMs. it has turned into an amazing gift and i've developed incredible friendships with women around the world. but logistics get in the way of having any meetups.
and now...i'm seeing that though Bear is flourishing in many areas, he's somewhat behind socially. he has one friend that we meet up with once every other week, but that's it. so i reached out....twice...and my efforts have been total failures. once was a group outing with a large playgroup in our city, i talked to 2 people that day. another was a teddy bear picnic that i planned and invited friends with kiddos to. (i've gotten 2 nos and the other 20+ people haven't responded at all)
i see him watching longingly as the girls across the street play. they come over for a few minutes and leave him there, standing alone at the edge of our driveway.
i'm not sad for myself. well, no...that's a lie. i am sad for me. but most of my despair is for Bear because he understands the situation. one morning a couple weeks ago, he woke up and said, "today isn't going to be a good day." so i asked him why. his answer was:
"because i can't make friends. i don't have any."
it frustrates me and breaks my heart that i can't give him this one thing that i know he needs. i don't know what to do...how to give him what he needs....i've never been in this situation...
so today, instead of giving you my thoughts, i'm asking for yours. how do i do this?