Sunday, June 2, 2013

momma needs privacy

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privacy.
it's one of the things
that moms lose when
they have kids.
 
from the moment of conception,
our bodies no longer are
just
ours.
 
instead, we share them with
a little being
for all those months.
and when he was finally
separate from me,
there was a loneliness,
an                                               empty space.
though it was filled
by this little person
who watched my movements
was nourished from my body
longed for my reassuring touch.
 
nursing lasted longer than
most deem normal.
but to us, it was a way to
re
con
nect
to keep that bond.
 
and then it ceased
and with that "release"
came a longing for
that closeness again.
 
but time goes by
and his increased independence
only served to widen the gap
at
times
 
others were filled with
the hugs, the kisses, the
c
l
i
n
g
i
n
g
to me as if i was preparing to
go a way for a
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
long time. 
 
even now, almost 5 years
since his birth,
he still
reaches for me
in the middle of the night...
to comfort him back to sleep.
 
guilty as i feel, i sometimes feel
trapped,
overwhelmed,
anxious
in need of a few moments
to just be alone.
 
but even going to the
bathroom
is not a solo project.
if there aren't
knocks on the door
there are
little hands trying to
open the door
 
or, 4 plastic cars
staring at me
 
these are the things
no
one
tells you.
 
but i wouldn't change it for the world.

 


 
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1 comment:

maryanne @ mama smiles said...

What a fun way to capture this aspect of parenting!

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