Monday, August 8, 2011

in {her} shoes...julia

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hello my dEaRs
it's moMMa mONdaY again! 

julia from is here from 551 East Furniture Design for this week's in {her} shoes guest post.  her story goes right to my heart because it is honest and something that i feel many of us mommies can relate to. i'm so grateful that she was willing to share her honest and touching story.


Almost exactly a year ago we brought our little bundle of boy home. Oh my gosh. We spent the first night home lying on the floor in the nursery with him on our chest because he wouldn't sleep if we put him down. Rhett is our first child so everything threw us for a huge learning curve. We both wanted to love him so much, but we struggled at the beginning. I had severe postpartum depression and was hospitalized twice for a week, each time because of it. In all of our prep to become first time parents, we had done minimal research on the changes my body would go through after delivery.

After about 12 weeks of a PPD roller coaster I got the help that I needed and we started to LOVE our little man. I am lucky to be a stay at home mom. I do love and enjoy so many parts of it. But it is by far the hardest thing I've ever done. I think one of the hardest things has been that occasional feeling of being "trapped". What I mean is the times when I wish I had a little more freedom, when I wish I could get my haircut without having to stop the stylist every 5 minutes to get Rhett a snack or to stop him from trying to play in the trash can. But really, I have a hard time not laughing when I see him trying to crawl in trash can, or find that he has discovered all of my bras and has carried them all through the house. Or when I find him trying to eat a roll of toilet paper. For some reason I love these moments. They help me realize that I can't sweat the small stuff. That at the end of the day, having a neighbor come over and find a bra under the kitchen table, isn't the worst thing that could happen.

I love seeing Rhett light up when he sees a dog. I love reading to him and letting him turn the pages before I can finish reading it. I love how bad his poopy diapers can smell and how my husband and I can't help but chuckle when he throws a fit because we won't let him eat any more dirt. I love watching him sleep at night.

I don't love when he runs away when I try to change his diaper. I don't love how he screams every single time I put him in his car seat. Drives me crazy. I don't love when I make him food and he refuses to eat it. I don't love the hours between 4PM and 6PM before Jake gets home. I think every mom has a time of day that is difficult. We spend a lot of time outside during those hours.

My husband and I are LDS (Mormon)and our faith plays a huge role in how we chose to raise our son. One of the most important things we can teach him is that he has a Heavenly Father who loves him unconditionally. That he has a Savior who has made it possible to repent and move on from mistakes that he will make. We want to teach him that he was born with a purpose and that now is a time to learn and grow and to be happy and that life goes on after we die. We want to teach him to be kind and to serve others. To not be judgemental but to give people the benefit of the doubt. We want him to know that we love each other and that our marriage is important to us. We want him to know that we will always love him and support him.

I love being a momma to my little man. I always feel torn because I do want him to grow up but I also want to keep him my little boy as long as possible. I know he loves me and it makes it so incredibly worth it. If he could describe me in three words it would probably be car, dog and EEEEE!! because those are the only words he knows right now. :)

Thank you so much for reading, feel free to stop by my little furniture/family blog to see what I do during nap time!

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