Thursday, January 17, 2013

when and why i ignore my child

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i like to consider myself an attachment parent, which entails responding to my child's needs and emotions. 
 
but...
 
there are times when i just have to ignore him and not pay attention to his behavior.
 
why?
 
because i don't want him to learn that acting out, throwing a tantrum, breaking our family rules will get him attention.
 
instead, i praise him for positive actions, behavior, and choices. 
 
there are times that he gets awnry because he wants affection from me.  and as much as i just want to swoop him up and love on him, i can't.  i don't respond negatively or discipline him for this attention-seeking behavior.  instead i tell him what the appropriate way to get what he wants. 
 
the reason?
 
i don't want him to equate using hurtful or mean words/actions with obtaining love and affection.  i think that it only begets relationship problems in the future.
 
why am i making this admission?
 
to emphasize that if you ignore negative behavior, you're not necessarily a bad parent. and to provide you with support when/if you've had to defend your parenting choices and criticism from others.
 
now that i've said all this, i have to say...
 
though i do support ignoring your child's negative behaviors at times, i do not think it is okay, nor do i suggest ignoring any behaviors that endanger the child or others, are abusive, or damage property.  please use your discretion. 
 
again, there are times i ignore my child...but i feel that sometimes it is necessary to not reinforce those behaviors.
 
 
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