Wednesday, April 19, 2017

When a Mommy Friendship Ends

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I just recently lost a friend.  There was no notice of a problem.  One day things were fine, and the next, she had blocked and unfriended me on Facebook.  I couldn't deal... Couldn't process what had caused such a major step.
The feelings surrounding a friend breakup are just like those experienced in a romantic breakup. When a friendship ends, it’s so personal in nature.  Here’s a person I’ve shared my concerns as a mom, my frustrations as a wife, and my struggles as a woman with.  And she’s freaking rejected me.  As naked and vulnerable as I could possibly be, I was with her through whatever.  Through all of her struggles, all of her crap, all of my struggles, all of my crap,  I tried to be there. This pain is real and fresh.  It gnaws at my heart as I go about my day.  Mostly because I have no answers, no reasons, no knowing what I did wrong to cause what I thought was going to be a lifelong friendship to be over.
I feel duped. I feel betrayed. I feel anxious about whatever I could've done that caused this fallout
And how do I explain all of this to an 8 yr old who wants to know why Mommy is so sad?  How do I tell him that sometimes people turn away from us and we never know the reason? 
The sadness over losing a friend is real and deserves to be validated.  That’s why I won't use the silly cliché “why would you want to be friends with someone who doesn’t want to be friends with you?” on my son.  Because we can’t control who we feel connected to… who we perceive as a kindred spirit. 
Instead, I have to tell him this…
Everyone has a story.  Something they’re going through or have gone through.  We don’t always know what others are thinking and feeling or why they do what they do.  So all we can do is be kind and loving to them, even if their actions or words wound us. And we miss that person and their presence in our lives.  And we can pray that they’re happy with who they spend their time with and that their new friends love them just as much as we do.  And maybe things will change and they’ll want to be friends again.  Maybe not.  But at least if we end on a loving note, they’ll know that door is always open.

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