Saturday, August 26, 2017

Grieving Another Lost Summer

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Well, school is back in session. Am I the only one feeling those pangs of regret that we didn't do all we wanted to with our kiddos over the break? We get 18 summers with our children before they go off to college. It seems like a lot. But when I realize that I've only got ten more with my son, I grow regretful... especially after this past summer.

I had big plans for all types of fun things we'd do... Printed out a calendar for each month and penciled in activities we'd prepaid for and those I wanted to do. You know... trips to the zoo,  museums, or just local sites that we'd not been to in a while.
Then summer happened... And I became overwhelmed. I didn't know how to handle these two children (ages 3 and 8) simultaneously. Didn't know how to keep everyone happy. How to spread my attention so that they both felt it was "fair".
Added into that was the onset of my son's behavioral problems the second week of summer. To keep it all simple and protect his privacy, it was a rough summer; a lost summer... Each day turned into survival instead of enjoyment. Of counting down until bedtime instead of counting down the moments we'd remember.

And it breaks my heart. Because his 8 year old summer, her 3 year old summer... they're ones I won't get back. I only hope that in future years they'll realize what a hard season we were going through as a family unit. I pray that they'll realize that their momma did their best to create memories, to offer experiences for them to grow, and that I did what the hell I could so that we all made it through with the least amount of traumatization....

As I said, for my son's privacy, I can't tell you what our summer was like. But in general terms, I'll say that it was horrendous... One I thought I'd never experience.

So what do we do now that summer is over? How do we heal? We start by focusing on what went right with the summer. Count those blessings, momma. Then, see what can be rescheduled for other times during the year. Maybe the flurry of activity will be less overwhelming if spread out a bit. Lastly, realize that sometimes the best laid plans are spoiled by the twists of fate. Stop blaming yourself. This was the hardest for me.... 

It's not easy being a mom. I don't think anything in the world prepares us for the struggles, the decisions we have to make, or for being under so much pressure. Take it easy on yourself. Remember that many of your friends only share their "Facebook worthy" moments. Many are struggling just like you are... Follow your heart. Love hard. And remember that you're doing the best you can in this very moment.

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